How To Train Your Vampire – Part 2

For those of you who still have not managed yet to get your vampire under control (I shared a few simple tips here, perhaps I can offer further assistance.

It’s not hard, really.  Your vampire is surrounded by a cacophony of sensual delights.  Those delights can lead it to behave in a manner that is simply unacceptable.  Each vampire has a personality of its own, ranging from funny to morose.  Knowing your vampire’s personality will give you the upper hand when it comes to soothing its soulless side.

1.  Your vampire is a giving entity.  The one gift that it can bestow on others that you obviously cannot is immortality. You, however, must beware of and discourage this generosity, lest you find yourself seeking refuge from throngs at your door willing to sacrifice themselves for life-after-life in your vampire’s company, at your expense.

2.   Intense sensuality is in the nucleus of every vampire.  Petulant VampireGet use to the way it will use this innate awareness of smell, sight, sound, touch and, of course, taste.

3.  Your vampire is probably more handsome than you.  When (and it will happen) someone compliments it on its appearance, do not, under any circumstances, attempt to steal its thunder.  If you do, you will regret it instantly.

4.  Vampires are a melancholy sort.  They need their brooding space.  The intensity with which they sink into despair rivals anything that Kierkegaard could ever have imagined when he wrote “The Sickness Unto Death.” Concede it time to wallow in despair.

5.  Although your vampire loves you, it will, on occasion, seek the company of its own kind.  It will not cheat on you, so allow it the infrequent romp.

6.  Your vampire is understandably proud of its heritage.  It will often display a propensity for the goth which it finds undeniably beautiful.  Nurture and respect this trait, just as your vampire nurtures and respects your humanity.

7.  Vampires are often patrons of the arts.  Yours will dote on you for having a well stocked library. They adore classical Vampire Dressed for the Operamusic, historical literature, and a night at the opera.  Remind it that the well-behaved vampire does not hiss or growl during a performance.  Make this fact known early in your relationship with the bloodsucker:  Under no circumstances will you tolerate this kind of aberrant behavior.  A swift revocation of its social media access will likely resolve the annoying habit.

Remember that vampires are made not born. Training a newly minted one takes time and patience. The young are stronger, more fierce, and hungrier than their older counterparts.  In other words, they are supremely undisciplined. It is up to you, therefore, to help them thrive in their new-found ability as they adapt, with great aplomb, to living among humanity in the daylight.

Training a vampire is a lot like riding a horse. You fall off, get up, and get back on. Though the beast is faster than you, stronger than you, and can toss you through the air with the wave of a hand, it doesn’t want to.

It’s looking for acceptance from you;  the one who will become its mentor, protector, and the fact-keeper of all things unique to it.  It can’t go it alone.  And, neither can you.


  1. Very interesting tips Marilyn. I’m sure I can put them to good use! On another note, I’ve just nominated you for the Shine On Award because you, my friend deserve it. From the first time I ‘met’ you, I’ve never been disappointed by your friendship. You’ve always made time to answer my questions and check up on me. Like it or not Missy, you are taking this journey with me!! LOL. 😀 Please stop by my blog when you have a moment and pick up your Award. The rules are no where near what they were for the Liebster. I had to change the number of nominees I could choose. I’m still a new kid on the block. I’m doing five. Do what makes you feel comfortable.

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